This was written before my last piece – ‘Stepping out of the Shadows‘. Meant for my blog, AldricTinker.com, and not a Facebook note.
“What do I look for in a partner?”
My age is catching up. I thought I could continue being single for at least two years. Too soon? I just broke up in August 2016. What’s the rush, right?
Yes, I was prepared to live a guarded life in my ‘gilded’ tower. Away from the hurt and pain of a romantic relationship. In fact, I was preparing for it.
Until I met this person a few months ago, when your eyes drew me in. That shielded shy smile you had. And then there’s your laugh.
Disney’s Hercules song I Won’t Say I’m In Love comes to mind. Speaking of which, here’s one where I did a collab on Smule’s Sing months back for the fun of it.
Or if you prefer, something from my Sing! by Smule account:
Before I get ahead of myself, I need to step back and seriously ask myself: “What am I looking for in a partner?” I’ve been asking myself, “How am I a good partner?” as well.
How am I a good partner?
Before looking at what I want, I’m going to write out what I can offer a future relationship. Or rather, I’m going to do a stock take of myself, my interests, and personality.
I’m rather quirky. A geek who’s into theology, language, culture, politics, history, entrepreneurship, and the metaphysical. I’m completely hopeless when it comes to entertainment, sports (though I dabble in fitness, gym, swimming, and golf), music, cars & motorcycles.
I enjoy reading fiction and listening to audiobooks and podcasts. My thoughts are influenced by the works of Robert Kiyosaki, Tim Ferriss, Chris Guillebeau, Anton Kraly, Johnny FD, Brian Tracy, Tony Buzan, Tony Robbins, and Rhonda Byrnes among many. For fiction, I love JK Rowling, Anne Rice, Dan Brown, and Rick Riodan.
I can appreciate historical fiction, horror, romance, BL, and comedy. Series that I follow include Thailand’s Lovesick the Series, Make It Right The Series, MTV’s The Royals, Bones, Yes, Minister, Yes Prime Minister, Scandal, Sleepy Hollow, Phineas and Ferb, various documentaries on TV & YouTube, and Fairy Odd Parents.
Movies are a difficult one to list. But it includes Back to the Future Trilogy, various Disney cartoons, Stardust, Man in the Iron Mask, Evita, Drag Me to Hell, Stigmata, Star Wars, Normal Heart, Ah Boys to Men, and the Harry Potter series.
When I turn to series or movies, I shift between the ‘serious’ and the ‘ridiculous’. Why not? As I told a friend: I want to let go, not debate about fictional events involving fictional characters! Except when it’s truly absurd.
When it comes to music, I’ve surprised people: Nightwish, Blink 182, Britney Spears, John Williams, Mariah Carey, Alizée, Katy Perry, Adele, Marc Anthony, Lady Gaga, Beyonce, Idina Mendez, Imee Ooi, and various Thai songs from the series.
Other activities that I enjoy include travelling, attending recitals, fine dining, enjoying coffee, PC gaming, strolls in nature, laser tag, karaoke, shisha, drink socially, and shopping (yes, I confess I am a shopaholic).
On Myers-Briggs, I’m a ENTJ. If you use the DISC, I am on the Influence-Steady side. If you use the Chinese BaZi system, I am a strong Geng Metal Day Master.
Stubborn. Yeah, I can be stubborn. Until I make my mind up, it’s easily persuaded. I like to evaluate my options. There is a danger of analysis paralysis.
As you might expect, I like to sit back, reflect, and observe. I evaluate my behaviour to see where I could have done better. I dive into my thoughts to wonder what and where I could have done better.
I like to be acknowledged; but I hate attention. It would be nice to be attached to one who doesn’t mind hogging the attention – or whom I can divert the attention towards. Unless I’m at a meeting, a conference, or a talk, I rather not bring the spotlight to me.
I have the Altruistic trait. I feel good when I can help others. Over the years, I’ve been in the Leo Club in both my high schools, I enjoy connecting people to opportunities, and – in 2016 – I joined the PT Foundation iPower volunteers to raise awareness on HIV and safer sex practices.
I have low tolerance for repeating complaints. It’s because I adapt fast – for better or poorer. When there is a problem, I believe that we need to find a way to solve it instead of constantly lamenting it. Solve it by applying the hierarchy of risk control: Elimination, Isolation, Substitution, Engineering Controls, Administrative Controls, and Personal Protective Equipment. I accept when one wants to vent his or her frustration. I am here to listen. I will give feedback when asked, but do not be an askhole. Otherwise I’ll just adapt the problem away.
I’m very ambitious. I compete with and challenge myself. I expect to see me leave an experience with better understanding, insights, and solutions. It’s because of how I was raised. Over the next 8 to 10 years, my goal is to build assets which allows me to be a digital nomad.
I like to spend time with friends and loved ones – subject to that adaptation. When I do hang out with them, I want to be able to remove the worry of cost. However, do not make the mistake of taking advantage. I am notorious in selecting who I hang out with. I am not a vengeful person; do not turn me into one.
I won’t lie: I like nice things. Bags, cars, and socio-economic status. But these are bonus or achievements to be unlocked. They do not become standards against others.
While I take what I do seriously, I like to laugh at myself – even with others. Whether it’s while playing laser tag or destroying a song when I karaoke, I want to find the funny and lighter things in life.
I am super patient and forgiving. Again, do not betray the trust. We will err; we are but humans.
There is something that I really cannot do. I can’t cook. :-p My track record disqualifies me from even looking at the Masterchef application form. Did you know I once filled the whole house with smoke when I put the popcorn in the microwave?
What do I search for in my partner? What can I give?
Physically, I would not mind someone fairer and taller than me. Or darker. What draws me in are their eyes, smile, and laughter. I need to know that I can make you happy. Make you laugh. When my partner is happy, then can I be happy.
Hugs and cuddle as awkward as these may be at times for me. Sadly, I’m not a hug-person. You have no idea how awkward I look when I hug relatives: is it once or twice or thrice? When I fumble, again, I laugh about it with them.
I look for someone who is both altruistic and ambitious. Someone who wants a Ferrari and works towards it. At the same time is willing to share and talk about various issues: HIV, fighting stigma, charity, and old folks. I will encourage my partner as I hope my partner will encourage me.
I’m looking for that best friend and travel partner. I believe in having and knowing the orders of precedence, discharging one’s inherent duties, and fulfilling obligations. I think about the words I use and the impact they have. Hence, a lot can be on my mind, I need a confidante who can listen without responding with the word “No…” first. When I’m wrong, I want my partner to know that I can be corrected. I’m an open book and it’s easy to read me.
Once upon a time I could not care less about one’s socio-economic background. I believe in being independent, why should I? Over the years, I learnt that this socio-economic background is what creates a common ground and perspective. My partner needs to be able to act around my family, relatives, friends, and associates. Likewise, I need to be able to carry myself well among my partner’s. I can relate to an equally ambitious and determined partner. Yes, there are down times when you need me to pull you up. It’s easy be drowned in emotions and push away my helping hand, but please do not push me away so frequently and later accuse me of not being there. I noticed in the past, I never moved from their sides; they never saw me by them.
I expect my partner to have his own hobbies and circle of friends. He may want to go sky diving. Not my cup of tea, but go ahead. I might try once. Likewise, I drink socially, but do not question why I’m drinking orange juice – especially when I am paying for my orange juices. I do not have to be at every event. You and I are both adults. You may have friends since your childhood. I won’t come between you. Order of precedence, remember? I am aware of my place, and I know it well.
I seek to learn your personality, limits, likes, and dislikes. I hope you’d reciprocate the same. You do not need to be defensive with me, because I just want to connect. I will try to tear down my walls, but I need to know I can reach out to you.
I do not need an Adonis. I need a partner who can be by me, and who I can stand by. When I’m sad, make me smile through your touch. When you’re down, allow me to cheer you up. When you’re angry and frustrated, let me be your ears.
We’ve gone past the drama of my 20s. I look for a mature relationship where we know the effects of decisions and impact of commitment. Yes, we are human and either of us may trip. Then the one left standing should pull him up.
We’re both independent adults. I don’t mind treating my partner for an outing or two. I do not mind splitting it. I do mind when one is leeching on the other. There needs to be a balance. It’s a give and take after all.
Saying that, one must give the love and the other must receive it. And it goes round in circles from one to the other.
No, there is no mistake in the usage of pronouns here. These pronouns are deliberately selected.
As of writing this, I have a crush on someone I met recently. Is it just an infatuation which will pass? Or will it become something serious? I truly do not know. What I do know is no matter what happens, I need to know who I am looking for, and if can I fulfill his expectations.
March 26th, 2017 Update:-
Again, this entry was first written on December 3rd, 2016. I can’t say a lot has happened since then. Yeah, I came out. And I told my crush about my infatuation. Did I pursue? Nope, not at all. Have I moved on from him? I hope so. 😂😂😂
Let’s just say I received assurances from a friend that there is a market which oscillates between historical and literary references and crude innuendos which we developed off the cuff over either wine or coffee.