Books do not judge. They ferry us to a world of possibilities away from prying eyes. Authors impart their wisdom and insights through a stroke of a pen. Ideas are planted in the fertile soils of the mind. The words interact with our imagination to create a realm hidden from prying eyes. Notebooks capture thoughts, ideas, hopes, and experience of the moment until the ink fades from the pages. Part of our memories and personalities remain long after we are gone.
Growing up, books were a constant companion. Today they continue to surround me no matter which office or home I’m in. Subconsciously these tomes reassures me.
But books, libraries, and bibliophiles are not the point here. Building relationships is a skill that I recently learnt. Being a good friend is something I cannot be proud of. If anything, my interpersonal relations are poor. This entry is meant to be a partial confession and closure to a friendship which died a long time ago. A friendship with one which I, in my naïvety, destroyed. A price which I pay emotionally ever since. There are many aspects in my life which I need emotional closure in. Permit me to start with this one. It took place in 2006.
After my horrible mistake and behaviour, which I bear full responsibility for, I attempted to ratify the situation in a cowardly manner. I wrote a letter and kept it in the person’s book. Foolishly hoped that it would be found. Several years later, I was told it never came to the intended recipient. Yet I continued to follow your blog posts and videos. The consequence never dawned upon me until June this year. A sarcastically protective post rattled me to reality. My inaction haunts me, but never this strong. After that, several times I thought of apologising and making up for it.
Clearly you have long moved on. I was the only one here left in 2006. Better late then never. I doubt it will ever make a difference.
I am thankful for friends and family members who tolerated with my behaviour over the years. I admit I wasn’t an easy one to handle. I never label friends as “true friends” or “friends for life” from years ago. Questioning their intentions and omissions will make neither me nor them a better person. If anything, it emphasises the differences and create unnecessary grudges. Learn to accept a person as who they truly. Acceptance is not mere lip service. It lets me to enjoy the moment and companionship with friends and family I am with.
This is a standard I impose on myself. It is a view that helps me in a world of complex social human interaction – virtual, emotional, and physical.
My term was up a long time ago – and I’ve overstayed my welcome:
I know you do not read minds – you told me so once. You called out my persistence. This time its wavered. I truly am sorry for all the trouble and pain I caused. Nothing I can say or do will ever right those wrongs. Thank you for the great times before.